BLAHHH

I know that no one really reads my blog and for days like today I am very grateful! I am a little over people right now! I have been for the last like two to three months. I am a little tired of fake people! Apparently I just have a radar that attracts them. I just wish that people could be real...but since we all are not:( I guess I just have to move on in life with a ten foot wall around my heart guarding it from people. I am thankful in times like this for a big family that I love and whom love me dearly. I am glad that God picked my family!!! I am just going to say that people who hurt you just SUCK!!! I am thankful today for my hubby, family and extended family who love me so much!

MOVING!!!

I have stubbornly been not blogging until I GOT TO BLOG THIS!!!!
SOLD...14 DAYS and We will live in Riverside!!!

FRUSTRATED!!!

wow...life has been weird over here lately. I have almost begun to protest blogging until I get to post one that says..."the house is sold!" We have had a roller coaster of paperwork that is somewhere in the abyss of the loan company. To say the least I am a little frustrated and concerned that we will get to be moving in the school year...if we get to move. Needless to say, I am going to give up my protest and start blogging again! I am going to write some blogs while I sit on hold waiting to hopefully hear some good news!

ummm?!?!

This past few weeks have merged all together and emerged as one bib BLAH!!! That is scary, sad, silly, and stressful to think of all at the same time. Life has been falling into a routine, not necessarily one that I enjoy. I have been exhausted and always ready to take a nap. That is not too good to me, but I think I know why. My Aunt flo is coming into town and as soon as she arrives my energy shall emerge:)

School is going good I am learning more and more about patience and truth. I love talking with my students about things in life. My favorite part is when I get to "learn" their stories and listen to their lives and learn about their hurts. My second favorite thing is when a trajedy strikes them, they need advice, and or encouragement and they are in my classroom at lunch to share and listen. I LOVE BEING A PUBLIC SCHOOL TEACHER!!!!

Craigslist is amazing to me right now Scott is looking for a weight lifting bench (for Him) and a running machine for me!!! That really excites me because exercising (mainly running ) is a huge stress reliever that I am MISSING right now.

I cant think of anything else because the blah is right there in my face.

NOT Me Monday

I do not think that I will do this often but after a few crazy things that I did I just have to partake in the fun and laugh with all.

Not me, I would never wake up on time, leave, get a starbucks on the way to work, begin my teaching day, run over to make photo copies at 11am to realize that I had put two different shoes on, nope not me.

Not me, I did not call my husband to tell him of my funny and he laugh at me. Nope not me.

Not me, I did not decide that everyone should laugh at my wonderful day and send them a picture message. My dear friend Carla did not ask if I had taken a pregnancy test lately nope not her. I did not insist that I AM NOT pregnant. She did not persist right back at me to let me know about my test later that night...nope not us.

Not me, one of my dear friends Connie did not text me back and ask if it was a joke, nope not her. I then did tell her it was for real, she did not text me back and ask if I was teaching at work. She also did not ask if I was going home to change ( a round trip from home to work is 90 minutes) nope not her.

Nope not me, I did not go on the rest of my day and laugh at myself, nope not me...Even when my 5th & 6th period classes asked, "Mrs. Rollins what is wrong with your shoes?" I did not pridefully show them my mismatched shoes, nope not me.

Nope not me, I am not going to ask my periods 1-3 what was wrong with my clothes on Friday, and give extra credit to anyone who knows, nope not me:)

I know where I will be teaching Next YEAR!!!

Quick BLOG...I just received a letter in the mail today informing me that I HAVE A JOB NEXT YEAR!!! Scott & I are so amazed by God's never ending faithfulness:)

How did it wake 10 months to go 3 weeks?

I forgot to say that the time blog was merely a part 1 of many to come.

Sometimes it is hard to believe that Scott & I have been married for 10 months! :) It has been an amazing 10 months, but definitely several things have changed in my life over the short amount of time. I learned very quickly when Scott & I were on our honey moon that we are different. The differences that we have, I never had realized until we were married and let me add, I LOVE THE DIFFERENCES THAT WE DO HAVE!!!

The biggest differences came in how the two of us like to spend time on our vacation. The whole reason why I even bought the book 3 Weeks with my Brother was because I realized that we would have a lot of relaxing in the sun, hanging out by the pool, lounging in our hotel room, just sitting time. This time was really not my thing and I decided that to "survive" this time to just relax that I was going to NEED a book to read through. Little did I know how much I would enjoy that time and that God has been trying to teach me for A LONG TIME! He rested after creating the world, but yet in some crazy way I thought that I could live in my own strength and power WITH OUT REST :) I am minorly laughing out loud as I think about this.

Quick fast forward...I had Spring Break, read the book and had some more relaxing time to think about my own personal life and where it was at, where I want it to be and to think about the past.

First let me just say, I LOVE MY LIFE!!! There is only one minor thing in it that I would like to change and that is that I would love to live in Riverside closer to my friends and family. (Apparently God does not think that I am ready for that, since he has not sold the house yet, in His time, in His time)

Second I learned that when my life was planned into many different time slots, not a second "wasted," busy with out any free time, I thought that I really was in control of my schedule. BOY was I ALL wrong...and I didn't learn that until I finished reading 3 weeks. As I read through the book, I related with the author a little. He had a crazy, busy, hectic life; juggling the roles as a husband, son, brother, friend, and father...I have similar roles. Our personalities are similar: we would rather live off of coffee, get no sleep than to fail or let someone down. Now here comes the kicker for me. I learned that all of those things and not having God in complete control of them would result in a COMPLETE failure. A failure to everyone I love, care about and even to myself.

Lastly, I learned that my one goal that I had over Spring Break to create a regimented schedule where every minute of every day was accounted for was Crazy! I learned through reading this book (yes it took me 10 months, but I finished it) that when a person has such a crazy schedule like I wanted that I would end up being controlled by my schedule. I learned that instead of looking at every moment as a way to serve God that I would have a time slot for that, instead of being a loving wife all the time I would only have a time slot for Scott, being a sister would not be all the time, but only at a certain time, being a daughter, youth leader, teacher, etc. I think that you all are getting the point.

There are still things that I would love to "add" to my things that I do every day, but as for now I am going to integrate them in as they fit.

I love the fact that my husband has taught me a lesson that lots of people learned a long time ago...WE ALL NEED TIME TO RELAX :)

Plans...One day I will Learn

So as I sit on the eve's eve of my spring break coming to an end I am reminded of plans, no matter how well they are laid out, no matter what my intentions are that I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER how they come out.

One would think that after several years of going through the cycle of going to a break, ending up learning that I am allergic to something, going to the ER, coming home and recovering over my week instead of getting done what I had "planned to do"

The ironic thing about all of this is that this week I had planned to learn where my time goes and then how to micromanage it more to become more efficient with the time that I have each week. Well I did not actually get to do that...what I did instead was:

Sunday: Went to ER because I was bit by something and had an allergic reaction, got Benadryl through an IV, got Tagament in an IV, got a breathing treatment through pure oxygen, and got home at 2am

Monday: My wonderful husband took great care of me, setting his alarm for every four hours to give me benadryl and hook me up on a breathing treatment at home...OH YEA I slept all day

Tuesday: I got up walked around, ate breakfast and took a long nap, woke up ate lunch, took another nap, lastly got up read a little, ate dinner, and went to sleep

Wednesday: Watched Scott take his midterm, read, went to youth group, came home and slept\

Thursday: Read,helped Carlee paint her room

Friday: Finished reading the book "Three Weeks with my Brother" By Nicholas Sparks

Saturday: Eggliminate from 7:30-3, hung out with youth at the Russell's, came home

...Plans are only that...PLANS...they do not necessarily get done the way I want them or think that they should be done....

LESSON LEARNED: I do not get to make the plans, God does !!!

2009 get to know me:)

2009 getting to know you...

Welcome to the new 2009 edition of getting to know your family and
friends.
Here is what you are supposed to do, and try not to be lame and spoil
the fun.
Change all the answers so that they apply to you.
Then send this to a bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person who sent
it to you.
Some of you may get this several times; that means you have lots of
friends.
The easiest way to do it is to hit 'forward' so you can change the
answers or copy and paste.
Have fun and be truthful!


1. What is your occupation right now? wife, high school math teacher
2. What color are your socks right now? n/a im not wearing any
3. What are you listening to right now? nothing its quiet
4. What was the last thing that you ate? 2 rodeo burgers & fries from BK
5. Can you drive a stick shift? yes
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? my mom
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? yes, I do...I miss her and havent seen her in 10 months :(
8. How old are you today? 26
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? college basketballl
10. What is your favorite drink...diet cherry coke
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? nope, never...all natural
12. Favorite food? umm..I have no idea
13. What is the last movie you watched? HITCH with my wonderful husband
14. Favorite day of the year? June 28, 2008
15. How do you vent anger? I try to pray about it first, most of the time unfortunately I do yell :(
16. What was your favorite toy as a=2 0child? easy bake oven
17. What is your favorite season? SUMMER!!! Bring on the heat :)
18. Cherries or Blueberry? cherries
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back?Of course
20. Who is the most likely to respond? Don¹t know
21. Who is least likely to respond? Connie Jo she sent it to me :)
22. Living arrangements? Me, Scotty, Oreo (my dog), Woody, Jessie, & Slinky ( our bearded dragons) and 12 baby bearded dragons
23. When was the last time you cried? 2 weeks ago
24.What is on the floor of your closet? a basket of purses and shoes
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this
to? Becca
26. What did you do last night? cooked dinner, watched some friends and played with Oreo
27. What are you most afraid of? losing my wonderful husband at an early age and learning what it would be like to live with out him
28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? cheese please
29. Favorite dog breed? was Boxer, but then I learned how expensive they are...so mut for me.
30. Favorite day of the week? any day I get to lay in bed with my hubby
31. How many states have you lived in? Cali girl all the way
32. Diamonds or pearls? diamonds are a girls best friend
33. What is your favorite flower? tulips & spring bouquets

Time?!?!

Where does the time in one day go? I have not a clue and it is definitely becoming a sore spot in my own life of where my time is? I feel like I am in a routine which I enjoy, I am just missing ONE MAJOR piece that I want to be in there....EXERCISING!!! I love to work out, it is one of my biggest time relievers and it gives me an amazing amount of energy. I would run for at least thirty minutes a day, if I could find the time.

I thought that all of my time in my day went to watching TV and so I decided to give it up for lent and NOPE, that's not where my time is. In four days is SPRING BREAK!!!! YIPPEE!!!

My only goal is to find out where my time is and figure out how to make time to exercise.

Flash back

So I am going to have a few flash back in time blogs coming up...
...The first one was all about my wonderful four day weekend that was around Valentine's day. This weekend actually was not wonderful at all. It started out amazing with Scott and I ditching out on small group and going home and having a nice enjoyable evening doing really nothing accept hanging out together alone. Then we went to bed late on Thursday and slept in on Friday and that was where the enjoyment ended. I totally was sicker than a dog and was confined to our bed and was too tired to walk over to the couch so I just laid in bed. The most bummer part of it all was that Scott and I were suppose to help out with the Valentine's Day dinner at church...I was too sick to really stand little lone touch anyone's food so the plan was for me to just lay down on the floor in one of the rooms at church and just sleep. We then learned that all of the rooms were taken up. Sweet Debs told us that I could just go sleep on her couch instead. Scott drove me there and dropped me off and I slept there all night off and on watching a Cinderella story. Scott then picked me up and we went on our way home. Once we got home Scott was an amazing nurse and did a great job taking care of me. The funniest part of the whole night is coming up...Scott gave me some cold medicine and then walked outside to put some laundry in for us and as I was laying down I was feeling super nauseated...I got up off the bed and yelled "SCOTT!!!!" Right as I did I started shooting all of this red stuff everywhere (it was valentine's day again)!!! I shot red stuff all over our bathroom...I felt so bad that I started crying and tried to start cleaning up it and my TENDER LOVING husband came in and grabbed my hair and then rubbed my back and said stop cleaning up!!! I reluctantly let him clean up the mess. I was so sick and my husband was great at taking care of me. I love him so much and it was an awful weekend, BUT it was great spending the whole weekend sick in bed with my HONEY!

Poured or Spilled?

Feel free to listen to the sermon that I heard on Sunday from Sean on the life of Joseph from Genesis 41 for a glimpse into what I am thinking about and where my crazy head is going....http://www.missiodeicc.org/sermonmain.html

I too have struggles with all the different things that I have learned over these last weeks about Joseph's life as I even think back and what I thought were God's plans for my life. It is amazing to me how God continually reshapes me, molds me and places a new desire in my heart. I have never looked at the lives of Joseph or Job as a life that is being poured out versus a life that is spilled all over.

The analogy of spilled milk is so crazy to me for a few reasons, first I was allergic to milk for so long and it was something that I wanted at times but could not have. After I finally out grew my allergy and was allowed to have milk it was something that I tasted, did not like the end result and so now I have no desire for it. I do not like milk. I do not have milk with cookies, cakes, ice cream, breakfast, by itself, I just do not drink it all. I have learned that through medical research that your body actually can get the calcium that it would get from milk in many other non-milk foods. In my opinion milk is one of the things in the fridge that is only used for cooking, it cannot sustain everything by itself.

Now here is where it gets a little crazy to me when I think of myself as a glass of milk. For so many years of my own walk with the Lord I would ask God how I could be used. I had this longing in my heart to be used by Him and poured out into others. Considering that I am a human being I just thought that God was not really using me, but that all of my gifts, talents, skills and abilities that I had on my own were being wasted. Ultimately I can see now that I was wrong and was just poured out by Him and not spilled by Him.

The times that I can see God pouring me out into others I was like, no thanks. God this is too hard, is there another way that I can be used, this is not all that I thought it would be. I found myself questioning if this was really worth it or if there was not another way that I could get the things that I thought needed to be accomplished done in a different way.

As I have though about milk over these last few days I have learned...First it is something that your body does need and should have. Second milk can not be used all on its own accord, it does need to be poured out. Milk does not get to choose if it is spilled or used for a purpose and neither do we...we are merely an instrument that is used by God to complete and accomplish his goals and purposes. We are used and not needed and can do NOTHING on our own, We need to be poured out. Maybe sometimes we might have to be spilled a little to put us back in check for when we are being poured out.

Life

Life has been crazy around here and I have learned that I seem to have this romanticized mind set that I can change the world...mainly change the way that 150 high school students see the world over the course of 10 months. It is funny to me to think that I go through this same mind set each and every year and become discouraged and wonder why students' do not care about their own education. My wonderful husband just laughs at me and tells me that you can only lead a camel to water; you can't make him drink. I struggle with that and then compare it to a shore covered in star fish that are going to die if someone does not toss them back into the ocean. I feel as an educator that I am called to be that person who throws the star fish back into the ocean. This has been a ton of rambling on and on for no real good reason other to say that I am an exhausted teacher who is throwing lifeless, almost dead, students back into their math books everyday. I love my job, do not get me wrong but sometimes I can have the most exhausting days when you just want to go to sleep in your room because then you don't have to waste any of your energy on driving, eating, showering or anything you can just save it all up for your students. I am laughing out loud at myself as I write this.

Again still rambling on to say that life teaching four days a week after school until four and on Saturdays from 8 to noon is very draining...oh yeah don't forget my wonderful one way 45 minute to an hour commute that is tossed in there. I am back though! I end CAHSEE prep in two weeks and my husband says that he would rather me not volunteer to teach one ever again because they are too hard on me: emotionally, physically, and they make me "sort of crabby".

There is a HUGE underlying blessing that I am going to write about later that God has really prepared this to be a source of provision for our family.

99 Things and Counting....

Have you ever...

1. Started your own blog*

2. Slept under the stars*

3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower*
7. Been to Disneyland/world*

8. Climbed a mountain.*

Mount Whitney, the highest mountain in the continental United States...in one day.

9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo*

Those poor church musicals from when we were young...two bad things about them: one they were recorded on video and they told me I can sing good! LOL

11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea*

on my honeymoon, beautiful

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch*

15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables*
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight*
22. Given money to a stranger*
23. Slept on a boat*
24. Built a snow fort*

All those many years at winter camp

25. Held a lamb
26. Been to all 50 states
27. Run a Marathon

-no, but do two halfs count
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29 Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset*
31. Hit a home run*
32. Been on a cruise*
33 Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Built a piece of furniture
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing*

yes, and learned that I do not enjoy the repelling or free falling part...so now I stay away from it all

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41 Sung karaoke*

Bachlorette party and a few drinks in, not my finest moment but yes I have

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant*
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight*

Twice once with Becca Harlow when I was thinking about dating Scott and at least once with Scott

46. Been transported in an ambulance*

twice, once for being dumb on a sea doo and the other for a man being dumb and running a red light...NEVER for my asthma which is surprising :)

47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling*

With my husband on our honey moon, much different blog for a different day

52. Kissed in the rain*

too many times to count

53. Played in the mud*

Mud Bowl for four years in a row at Forest Home Summer camp...as a student and a counselor...very rad analogy

54. Gone to a drive-in theater*

even made out in one too:)

55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business*
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60 Served at a soup kitchen*
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason*
64 Donated blood, platelets, or plasma*
65. Gone sky diving
66 Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67 Learned a New Sport*
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy*
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar*

My parents took us kids on a cruise when I was a junior in high school and my dad got some so we all could have a taste

72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79 Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car*

Daisy was such a great car...many a good times in it, but such a wrong decision on so many levels...again another blog for another day

83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating*
88. Had chickenpox*
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one*
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone*
99. Been stung by a bee*