Poured or Spilled?

Feel free to listen to the sermon that I heard on Sunday from Sean on the life of Joseph from Genesis 41 for a glimpse into what I am thinking about and where my crazy head is going....http://www.missiodeicc.org/sermonmain.html

I too have struggles with all the different things that I have learned over these last weeks about Joseph's life as I even think back and what I thought were God's plans for my life. It is amazing to me how God continually reshapes me, molds me and places a new desire in my heart. I have never looked at the lives of Joseph or Job as a life that is being poured out versus a life that is spilled all over.

The analogy of spilled milk is so crazy to me for a few reasons, first I was allergic to milk for so long and it was something that I wanted at times but could not have. After I finally out grew my allergy and was allowed to have milk it was something that I tasted, did not like the end result and so now I have no desire for it. I do not like milk. I do not have milk with cookies, cakes, ice cream, breakfast, by itself, I just do not drink it all. I have learned that through medical research that your body actually can get the calcium that it would get from milk in many other non-milk foods. In my opinion milk is one of the things in the fridge that is only used for cooking, it cannot sustain everything by itself.

Now here is where it gets a little crazy to me when I think of myself as a glass of milk. For so many years of my own walk with the Lord I would ask God how I could be used. I had this longing in my heart to be used by Him and poured out into others. Considering that I am a human being I just thought that God was not really using me, but that all of my gifts, talents, skills and abilities that I had on my own were being wasted. Ultimately I can see now that I was wrong and was just poured out by Him and not spilled by Him.

The times that I can see God pouring me out into others I was like, no thanks. God this is too hard, is there another way that I can be used, this is not all that I thought it would be. I found myself questioning if this was really worth it or if there was not another way that I could get the things that I thought needed to be accomplished done in a different way.

As I have though about milk over these last few days I have learned...First it is something that your body does need and should have. Second milk can not be used all on its own accord, it does need to be poured out. Milk does not get to choose if it is spilled or used for a purpose and neither do we...we are merely an instrument that is used by God to complete and accomplish his goals and purposes. We are used and not needed and can do NOTHING on our own, We need to be poured out. Maybe sometimes we might have to be spilled a little to put us back in check for when we are being poured out.

Grandkids and not one ounce of labor pains

So I have to say that since we bought our bearded dragons, I have wanted to write this post. Crazy huh? Our Jessie ( the female bearded dragon) got really fat about a month ago, then she stopped eating three days ago and then she started digging. All of this equaled out to her ready to lay eggs. It was pretty cool to watch her being only one year old know what to do. You could actually see the eggs through her little belly, it was cool. Scott and I went and got vermiculite a special soil for her. He put her in ( remember I don't touch her) and she went to town digging, digging some more. She had her cave collapse on her several times, but finally she made one that did not collapse. Scott put her back in the next day and she laid 24 eggs...that is so cool and super crazy all at the same time.

Now for one of the more amazing parts of the whole story...I went into a reptile store, walked past several snakes, and even stood at the counter where one was right next to me. I had to go pick up the incubator, calci drops, and two different types of her. All of those things are needed to help her little body recover from giving birth to 24 potential babies in three short hours. Boy and we woman thought that we had it bad...I am totally kidding and think that the process of having a child is a beautiful one designed by God. Speaking of God my husband looked at me after he excavated all of the eggs and said..."after something that amazing how can people say that we were not created by God? I watched her, something who had never done anything like this before complete all of her tasks like if she was a pro. She laid her eggs with no help and no mom to show her how to do it....amazing huh?"

In about 60 days we hopefully will have 24 little bearded dragons hatch...then in about 6 weeks they will be ready to be sold.

Jessie and Woody

You thought that I was kidding when I said I was back up and blogging didnt you? Well here I am to write the first of many blogs about the wonderful pets that i let my husband get...I got to help name them which is great and that is about where I end in the land of these pets. They are bearded dragons, I know what you are thinking, I am crazy...I am not! I love Scott so much and he and I agreed to buying these before we got married, it was actually on our goals list of things to do after we got married. Our premarritial counselor actually laughed out loud at us for putting it on our goals for after our wedding, but said hey it's your list. Scott has wanted these pets apparently since he was a young kid and was always told that he could not have them. So he and I talked and he showed me them in a pet store in our engaged days and I said of course that he could have them.The best part about these pets is that I do not have to do anything for them....accept maybe pick up some mustard or a carrot for them to eat once in a while.

Here is the story on how we got them...Scott recieved some money for his birthday and Christmas from his family to cover almost the whole cost of them so I said sure lets go get them. He spent one day on the phone calling various places to make sure that he got a deal and then we spent a whole day in the car driving all over the Inland Empire to find the "right ones". We did find the right ones that are about 9 months old and we were told that they are the newly wed bearded dragons because of how horny they are. I think how funny it is that they were called newly weds and well we ARE newlyweds. I agreed to them and we brought them home that night. These are really cool to watch and Scott likes holding them and playing with them. It is so cool when he lets them out and they run all over our living room floor ( yes we clean the floor after so no worries). Do not worry those of you who know me, I have NOT lost my mind...I sit with my feet under a blanket on the couch when they are out and I still have NOT touched them. I do not really have any intentions to either in the near future.
You can tell which one is Woody because he turns black when he is in the mood. He is normally black, more than she is...if Jessie turns black it is because Woody is already black.

Life

Life has been crazy around here and I have learned that I seem to have this romanticized mind set that I can change the world...mainly change the way that 150 high school students see the world over the course of 10 months. It is funny to me to think that I go through this same mind set each and every year and become discouraged and wonder why students' do not care about their own education. My wonderful husband just laughs at me and tells me that you can only lead a camel to water; you can't make him drink. I struggle with that and then compare it to a shore covered in star fish that are going to die if someone does not toss them back into the ocean. I feel as an educator that I am called to be that person who throws the star fish back into the ocean. This has been a ton of rambling on and on for no real good reason other to say that I am an exhausted teacher who is throwing lifeless, almost dead, students back into their math books everyday. I love my job, do not get me wrong but sometimes I can have the most exhausting days when you just want to go to sleep in your room because then you don't have to waste any of your energy on driving, eating, showering or anything you can just save it all up for your students. I am laughing out loud at myself as I write this.

Again still rambling on to say that life teaching four days a week after school until four and on Saturdays from 8 to noon is very draining...oh yeah don't forget my wonderful one way 45 minute to an hour commute that is tossed in there. I am back though! I end CAHSEE prep in two weeks and my husband says that he would rather me not volunteer to teach one ever again because they are too hard on me: emotionally, physically, and they make me "sort of crabby".

There is a HUGE underlying blessing that I am going to write about later that God has really prepared this to be a source of provision for our family.

New addition

I feel like an awful pet owner because life has been so crazy that I have not had any time to write about how things are going on in the Rollins life...I am going to be posting a bunch over the next few days because I think that life might have calmed down a "little" bit.

99 Things and Counting....

Have you ever...

1. Started your own blog*

2. Slept under the stars*

3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower*
7. Been to Disneyland/world*

8. Climbed a mountain.*

Mount Whitney, the highest mountain in the continental United States...in one day.

9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo*

Those poor church musicals from when we were young...two bad things about them: one they were recorded on video and they told me I can sing good! LOL

11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea*

on my honeymoon, beautiful

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch*

15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables*
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight*
22. Given money to a stranger*
23. Slept on a boat*
24. Built a snow fort*

All those many years at winter camp

25. Held a lamb
26. Been to all 50 states
27. Run a Marathon

-no, but do two halfs count
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29 Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset*
31. Hit a home run*
32. Been on a cruise*
33 Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Built a piece of furniture
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing*

yes, and learned that I do not enjoy the repelling or free falling part...so now I stay away from it all

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41 Sung karaoke*

Bachlorette party and a few drinks in, not my finest moment but yes I have

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant*
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight*

Twice once with Becca Harlow when I was thinking about dating Scott and at least once with Scott

46. Been transported in an ambulance*

twice, once for being dumb on a sea doo and the other for a man being dumb and running a red light...NEVER for my asthma which is surprising :)

47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling*

With my husband on our honey moon, much different blog for a different day

52. Kissed in the rain*

too many times to count

53. Played in the mud*

Mud Bowl for four years in a row at Forest Home Summer camp...as a student and a counselor...very rad analogy

54. Gone to a drive-in theater*

even made out in one too:)

55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business*
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60 Served at a soup kitchen*
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason*
64 Donated blood, platelets, or plasma*
65. Gone sky diving
66 Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67 Learned a New Sport*
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy*
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar*

My parents took us kids on a cruise when I was a junior in high school and my dad got some so we all could have a taste

72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79 Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car*

Daisy was such a great car...many a good times in it, but such a wrong decision on so many levels...again another blog for another day

83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating*
88. Had chickenpox*
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one*
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone*
99. Been stung by a bee*