sigh of relief

Well this last week of school was a little less smooth than I had hoped for. I read the wrong chapter, was overwhelmed with work, and had way too many commitments that I needed to follow through with all at once. See the problem is not necessarily school, its the fact that I said yes to several things before there was school. I had gone along in my merry life with out anything to really occupy my free time so I filled it up with lots of other things to do! The sad tale is that all of these things I love to do and have had a ton of fun doing them. I knew this day would come when I would start saying that simple little word no. I hate saying no because I love to be active and do things. If I tell you no it is because I have too many other things right now on my plate that I can not say no to. I am looking forward to being done with my master's and I have barely even started:( Yikes that almost sounds like bad news. AH WELL!!! We shall see, we shall see.

I am WOKEN UP!!! Cold Water style!

I thought that as I went back to school that I would ease my way into the program and that at the beginning the work would be less and that it would build as I progressed. Boy was I WRONG!!! I was quiet upset that I was wrong and almost dumbfounded and discouraged in being wrong. On night two I began to doubt as to whether or not this was the right decision for my life or if it was going to really be best for my family. Scott is the best support in my life and he always was there to pick me and dust me off then tell me that I CAN DO IT! The school work got finished after a long 15 hours of work this week. I then was off to Women of Faith. While I was there, I was awakened to the reality of my masters. I am truthfully afraid of failing. Most things in school I could BS my way through and be able to accomplish with little effort. Once I started and finished my credential I was pressed with the option of not failing because to continue in the program I needed to maintain a 3.0 average in all of my classes. With that extra pressure I finished the entire program with a 4.0 and now that I am in my masters the same pressure is on. I think that I will be able to achieve my goals and hopefully finish strong. I am about to go start on this week's homework. We shall hope that week 2 IS better than week 1!!! Side note Scott was amazing through it all!!!!

masters begin

I am going to try to journal and blog about my journey through my masters degree, so that I can be able to go back and remember my journey through earning my masters. I am thankful and grateful that I have a supportive husband who wants to make my dreams come true and support me in all of my crazy ambitions. My dream job would be to be a stay at home mommy, work part-time as a high school math teacher, and teach as an adjunct professor teachers who are entering the teaching field. I love teaching, it is truthfully my gift and passion. I love to teach others math and watch their face light up in excitement when they understand the math. The hard part about teaching math is that there are very few professors with math or science backgrounds that teach credential classes. This was my case when I went through my credential, I did not have one teacher who taught anything other than history and english. Those two are pretty far away from mathematics.

I almost gave up the hope and dream that I was never going to be able to earn my masters degree, up until a month ago. I had the pleasure of participating in the pythagoras project over the summer and this project ignited my love of learning and math again!!! Providentially for me I received an email later the week of the project advertising a master's degree program online. I went to my dear Scotty excited as ever and he COMPLETELY supported my desire. So in a whirlwind of time I applied, sent my transcripts, was accepted and now I am about to embark on a journey expanding my education as an educator. I am so excited and am looking forward to all of the new things I am going to be learning that I will be able to apply to my classroom. PLEASE do not get me wrong among all of the excitement is fear, worry and anxiety over the changes that are going to come in my life. I am nervous about my time management abilities and the great balancing act that I will be having to do between: my relationship with God, marriage, family, job, youth group, and lastly school! YIKES...just writing it makes me nervous.

I finished orientation and learned that I will be on my computer and living and breathing school and working on it in almost EVERY FREE second I have in my life. I begin this journey with big eyes and big dreams awaiting to see where my Savior will take Scott and I...come along side with me and enjoy my journey.

1, 2, or 3

Which number would you chose, given the option of a 1, 2, or 3. I am a little nerdy and mathematically analyzed what number and first thought three, but then reconsidered and ended up choosing 1. Little did I know what this was all going to entail.

After a long day of church, lunch, shopping and errands my wonderful husband said I am a bit peopled out and I will not go to the dinner tonight. I was totally fine and was SO excited that we live in Riverside to be able to go and participate at church and Scott would have the option to stay home. I left went got some gas and then got to church and told Sean about Scott's idea. Sean asked where Scott was and I told him home relaxing. Scott and I then began to text and then he said I am on my way. I was very shocked because when Scott needs people relaxing time, I have learned that it is really a need and not just a want. He was even able to come with Advil in hand to save Debs and Eileens headaches. He got there and chose one too.

We were sitting at our table wondering what our numbers meant, trying to figure out what dinner was going to be like and creating our own scenarios in our head. The dinner started and we were divided up into the numbers 1,2, and 3. I was so excited to be a one and told that I was going to only be able to beg, but I would not be able to steal. That always seems exciting to think about with dinner, right? I came to eat dinner not to beg, but I thought no worries I am a smooth talker and my husband is too we should be able to get what we want to. So we were told if we were a 1 or 2 to go outside and come back through the back door and we would get our food there.

Meanwhile, we were outside standing in line laughing, joking and my husband was being hysterically funny. We just laughed and were cracking up, someone jokingly commented that I encourage him in this behavior. I totally said, YEP!!! He cracks me up and I love it! Little, did I know how hard it was going to be, being a 1!

We went in line and I saw lemonade and was thirsty, but I was handed water. Hungry, ready for: fried chicken, cesar salad, rice and cake for dessert; BUT was only given A scoop of rice and a spoon. I thought this will not be that bad I can just "beg" for food. I went to my table and my husband swooped it on the seat next to me to sit next to Eileen because she had food! She had the fried chicken, cesar salad, rice and cake...she had a FULL plate. I thought I will let Scotty do all the talking because he is much better with words then me and then I can just get some food from him! He began by complementing Eileen on her lovely outfit, hair, and choice of food that she was going to eat. Eileen shyly laughed it off and then said you are going to have to try harder...so he did. He then thought for a moment and began to complement her on the amazing job that she had done with her daughter! Eileen uncomfortably said, I am sorry you can not have anything, I can not share my food with you! Toni then said, but here you can have a bean. I DID not want a bean! I wanted to have chicken I thought in my head! So dinner went on and I sat and started looking at the facts that were on the screen from Stop Hunger, and I was shocked at the facts that were placed in front of me. I decided that I would not beg for food anymore because I was not going to get my way and get chicken! Then it sank in!

This was why I was there, and why Scotty was there too! So that we could be made aware of the "food" that we have and that others do not have. We sat and finished our dinner and then engaged in conversations and questions that put way too much thought in mind all at once. The one comment that stuck out the most was from Sara...I would never want to tell my kids that I did not have any food for them and I was found heart broken at the reality of what so many moms tell their children each breakfast, lunch and dinner....I have no food for you to eat!

1- Composes of almost 60% of the world who make less than $960 a year, and that meal received a bowl, spoon, scoop of rice, and 1/2 glass of water.

2-Compose almost 25% of the world who make between $961-$9000 a year, and that meal received a plate, fork two scoops of rice, beans, and full glass of water.

3- composed of 15% of the world who make more than $9000 a year, and that meal was on a real dish, with real silverware and had two pieces of fried chicken, cesar salad, rice and dessert and their left overs went in the TRASH!

Sad to say almost everyday of my life I have been a 3!

We finished dinner and watched Hannah's Story and learned more of why we were there...that to blog about later :)

Umm...Seriously God ?

I have not blogged in what it seems like forever and am excited scared and almost in shock about the whirlwind God has brought both Scott and I through not only independently, but also together. I know I do not have blog followers, but I am compelled to write for Scott and I to remember....

Through the stations of the cross God convicted both of us that Angel Jeraldi that we sponsor through Compassion International is an actual child of ours. We provide for her financially and have committed to sponsoring her until we are no longer needed. Well I have moved three times since I have had her and then once we got married I have moved again twice and although we have diligently supported her financially, we have forgotten to support her in other ways too like writing her, reading her report cards, receiving her pictures and letters. We both after leaving thought wow, how bad have we been...she has turned into a "bill" to us, something that we pay for every month and forgot that she is "really" our child. So this week I am going to call Compassion, get current on my address and ask for an update on our little daughter.

So here I was thinking perfect God this is what you have for us...sigh of relief right...well APPARENTLY NOT...we both came to hope Sunday that two of the college grads at missio dei had planned thinking we are doing our part God, do not ask us to do anything more! Well God does not often listen to me or do as I want him to...and broke my heart through some of the statistics that were read through out the sermon. I was drawn and convicted of the passage in Deuteronomy, when Israel is told that WHEN they are going to be blessed that they also will have a responsibility to take care of orphans (which ever since I saw the movie Annie as a child, have ALWAYS had a soft spot in my heart), widows and aliens. Scott and I both left church with God laying the same thing on our hearts...get another child or family and sponsor them too...Assuring us both that HE will provide.

Why God did not stop there I am not too sure of right now, but my Scotty asks me if I would support him with a crazy idea. He wants to start a foundation to bring light to World Hunger through ice cream. The details of this will be another blog, but for sure one to come in the near future.

And we are not done yet! I planned on going to a church dinner on hunger tonight and Scott decided that he was pretty people drained and would not be coming, which I have learned is completely okay. Sean asked where Scott was tonight and I texted him and he totally had a tugging on his heart that he was to come to dinner...I was in pure shock when he told me he was on his way. We had a great dinner (again much longer blog on dinner later :) ) We watched a video called Hannah's story on an Orphanage in China. I was brought to tears at the reality that these sweet innocent children live in these conditions and thought...maybe we are suppose to adopt and not have kids of our own. Low and behold my husband and I are leaving and he calls me and says...hey I think that we are suppose to have kids through adoption and International adoption. I am needless to say in absolute shock, amazement, joy, thankfulness, and in anticipation to see where God takes the Rollins' in the near future.

Right now we are going to pray, dream and seek as to where God will lead us...Where you Lead us Lord WE will go!!!